it's a secret, but...

"She's the woman I'm seeing."

"...No way. She's not your type."

"And you think you were?"

I'm starting to like stupid shouting Oska. :) Look how admirably he deals with his bitchy ex.

the rain today hurt.

and i'm leaving this here as a post so that in half a year or so, i can look back at it and laugh in embarrassment at how silly i was. for this truly is madness, without rhyme or reason, and as madness usually is it is also unstoppable. i know for certain that i will laugh at myself in the future when i think back to this, but it's hard to reason with the irrational part of me right now.

i know how this will turn out.

moping in the corner

What's with the sudden surfeit of people going to Japan recently? Why?

ARE YOU ALL BEING EBIL ON PURPOSE?!

:(

post-mock gloom

I have found, in all my limited experience of accounting exams, that I have this infuriating tendency to make mistakes immediately upon commencement of the paper. You see, Question 1 always involves a Balance Sheet and mine never balances on the first try. Never. And no matter how hard I try to spot the error, no matter how closely I scrutinise the question, no matter how much I recalculate, it doesn't balance until the very end, after I finish the rest of the paper and turn back to go through it again.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I suppose sometimes it really is important to take a step (or maybe a few steps) back when things seem impossible to solve. Sometimes the harder we try, the further we back ourselves into a narrow corner and the more difficult it becomes to see what went wrong. Giving things time (but not too much, the exam doesn't provide for much extra time) allows us to take a deep breath and perhaps calm down a little. Even if you're still a bundle of nerves when you come back to the problem (I'm usually not, though, I have a funny calmness at this point - rather like someone in the face of mortal danger who's already accepted death as a highly possible outcome), having seen and solved the other problems gives you a tiny boost in confidence that makes a not-so-tiny difference.

Solving other problems, no matter how simple, is great because it gives you a sense of empowerment. It makes you realise that whatever is thrown at you has a solution and that this solution can be found using what you have - most of the time, the key to solving a problem lies within the problem itself - and in that way, you strengthen yourself mentally against the big problem from earlier.

I don't know if this can be applied for anyone else or whether it's just me; some of you brainy people might not even have trouble with your first balance sheet. But yeah, it's just one of those epiphany moments.

p.s.: Look, I applied accounting to life! Ooh I'm a genius. I'm using this for mah Ps! (*warning you not to steal or you'll get caught by CopyCatch*)

fly high

Hellz yeah it's Friday. Which means the big ol' accounting mock exam is today. Be very afraid!

I'm not as sleepy as I thought I'd be (rather the opposite, in fact); I think it's the excitement. Not from the prospect of the test, obviously, but from watching too much drama. The website isn't called DramaCrazy for nothing. :/ Anyway, I'll just wing the test the way I usually wing the revisions. Should be alright. I hope. Hee, dramas.

There's always a microscopic, remote chance that someone might be curious so these are the shows I'm following:

1. SungKyunKwan Scandal

[on KBS World (it's on Astro - top-notch subbing!)]

2. Mary Stayed Out All Night a.k.a. Marry Me, Mary

(the male leads are brilliant)

3. Secret Garden

(odd, very different, but interesting so far)

4. **** *****

(I'm keeping this nugget under wraps because it's so clever that I want to go around quoting it, haha. It's the only Japanese one on this list though...)

Happy happy me! :D

*gets bricked by Ms. Anu for failing test*

p.s.: I realised today that I'm still as much in love with Kame as ever, that my recent lack of extreme fangirlism was just me finishing with the insane freshie phase. Yay!

a message to my stalkee

Dear whoever-you-are,

I apologise if you are freaked out by the fact that I seem to be popping up all over the place, and that I seem to always be loitering outside your classroom. You see, the truth is that I am a stalker and I have totally been stalking you for the last two or three months (the days blur when I am able to gaze upon your unearthly visage, I have lost count). I have been watching you very closely and am now able to hang around just outside whatever classroom you're using whenever your class ends.

Yes, I am definitely a stalker. Don't be afraid, I'm a very benign sort of stalker. I just want to see you every single day that I am able to. Seeing you brightens up my day and I can enter my next class with a smile after each encounter. So yes, don't be afraid of me.

Seeing you today was the best thing that could have happened to me. I could feel happy electricity coursing through my, uh, nerves (?) as our eyes met through the dirty glass of your classroom door. Of course the starfish on the screen that I was laughing at was a cover, smoke-screen. I was secretly there in hopes that I would see you. Your hair looked fantastic today, too. I nearly reached out to touch it, but regained my self-control in time. As I promised, I'm a benign stalker, content just to skulk around and stare at you.

So, my stalkee (whatever your name is), I hope you aren't unnerved or anything and that you won't avoid me. I really, really want to continue accidentally-on-purpose bumping into you.

Sincerely,

your stalker.

Let tomorrow come NOW!

Kame's high notes are KILLING me. Thought it was Ueda when I first heard the song, but when I found out it was Kame I was really impressed! See, they don't need Jin to be amazing. He can go on with his Yellow Gold Tour for all I care (and, by doing so, fill my inbox with spam from Johnny's International). I'm not really an Akame fan, ugh.

Kame looks a lot healthier and happier these days. I'm glad. :) There was a point just a few months ago where he looked so drawn and tired that I really wished he'd stop working so hard. Sure I'd see him a lot less, but I'd rather see him less than see him looking so ill... Anyway, he looks better now, so yay! Maybe interior designing is therapeutic! :D

short-term goal:

- to be able to meet your eyes and with a straight face introduce myself as 'Kaye'.

Seriously. It's HARD. I'm trying to slowly convince myself that it's okay, but at the back of my head I'm screaming at myself, You're not Kaye, you're Kar Tong, don't be such a wannabe RWAR! so it gets kind of odd. Meh. Meh. MEH.

MEH.

*snip*

Finally, finally got my hair cut! It's nice and short now, so it'll be a while before I have to brave a hairdresser's again. You know how much it unnerves me. *shiver* I did get it a tiny bit layered near the bottom though, so that might need some degree of maintenance. Meh.

(The woman who cut it this time apparently does Datin Rosmah's hair. My first reaction was "Eww, I don't want Datin-hair" but it turned out fine, so no complaints! Heh.)

Before:

After:

And a special bonus! Presenting...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

WAY, WAY BEFORE:

I was a sweet kid, really! I started turning into the mean crosspatch hag that I am now when I was around eight, I think. Anyway, I think the Before picture makes me look better than the After one, but that was angled better, had nicer lighting and was taken precisely because I thought I looked surprisingly cheerful at the moment. The other was taken spontaneously to document the haircut, so no comparisons should be made. About the last picture... ah, long gone are the days when I could look so nice in a candid shot.

And about why I camwhore in my bathroom, of all places, it's because I'd be bonkers to camwhore in the vicinity of any family members and my room has terribly flat artificial lighting. So I go to the bathroom where there's beautiful natural light.

p.s.: The last one is also a precursor to something I'm gonna do later - I've got a a bunch of childhood pictures (mostly Shawn's baby pictures) that I'm scanning slowly into the computer. He needs a new profile picture (more like I need to get my stupid face out of his current one).

p.p.s.: Look at the first one again. Should I dye my hair? :O

fifteen, there's still time for you...

Is it just me or are the early twenties a worrying part of a person's life? It's disheartening to see people of just about twenty-four who look so world-weary and tired, especially when I compare them to how they were a mere three or four years back. Back then, they looked more like happy, cheerful kids; now they're solemn adults, undoubtedly more professional and skilled, but also less energetic and infectiously smiley.

This disturbs me far more than it should. I can't help feeling inexplicably sad (and subsequently pessimistic) about it. How do four years age a person so?

[edit] looking for labels

Here's something I've been meaning to get done for years: get myself a name people can actually remember. I'm not sure what my feelings are on people who randomly give themselves English names when the only reason they have is that their Chinese name doesn't sound as cool as, say, Fish or Oxide (though I have a tiny idea that my feelings lean towards disapproval), but I don't care anymore. I have to give myself one soon, or no-one in whatever university I end up in will ever be able to remember who I am.

(In any case, I've been progressively doing more and more things that I used to be determined to hate over the last few years so I guess it doesn't matter now if I get super OOC.)

With that said, I need to find a name. I don't want weird nouns (see underlined examples above) or crazy, airy-fairy made-up names (Carmellinia/Melodaisy/whatever), nor do I need odd values (Prudence, much?). I also could use a lot less of oh-so-mysterious names that would, frankly, better suit a cat (like Seraphina or Melusine).

Nice, relatively normal names. Surely they can't be hard to find. Rhea's nice but might sound too pretentious for a self-chosen name, Eris has an interesting meaning but doesn't fit... I've always been partial to the letter K (big surprise), but there aren't a lot of suitable names beginning with that letter. Bah. There's really not much one can do with a surname like mine. =_=

Buggrit, buggrit, millenium hand and shrimp.

*edit!*

Since I've always been partial to Kaye, let's run a trial run for the next week. Here we goooo~

mix and match

Been cracking my head all the last week over the funny things I discovered at the back of my wardrobe earlier. Stuff bought on impulse: there's more of it than I thought. I'd no idea I was such an impulsive shopper. And such random things! Five-toed socks, stripy sleeves (a la the neighbourhood auntie who goes driving in hot weather but doesn't want burnt arms), bright orange shoelaces, oddly-patterned shorts... Anyway. Was trying all week to figure out how to make use of those things, but really, what can one do with them? Besides the socks, those can be worn around the house when I'm cold. Meh.