To be perfectly honest,

I don't like waiting all night for someone to come online. I hate it even more when someone comes online for five minutes, then disappears. And I wait for two hours, and see that "online" sign pop up just to find that it disappears in another five minutes. Damn it, if you tell me you want to talk then just bloody stay online. Stop being so damned impatient and hopping off into another world just because I can't type fast enough to reply in ten seconds. I know you're bred kiasu and can't bear wasting your precious time but for god's sake, just bloody give me thirty seconds if you need to talk. Otherwise please don't rob me of my sleep. It's so damned annoying.

Kthxbye.

Me and my words.

I typed out a long rant yesterday about something that has since become insignificant. Or rather, I have since realized its insignificance.

I was about to post it on my blog from my mobile, but just then a call came in and I accidentally deleted the entire thing. My initial reaction was, of course, complete outrage at myself for the amount of effort gone down the drain. But I couldn't summon the energy or the feeling to write it up again, so it didn't get posted in the end. I'm that kind of person; when I write, I follow the flow of my emotions (usually ending in melancholy) and by the time I've finished the final paragraph, I've released all my emotions in the words and I no longer feel the same as when I wrote the first lines. My emotional state vacillates a lot. I get influenced a little too easily.

So you can imagine that when I thought back about what I had written, I suddenly felt glad that I hadn't posted it after all. It was quite pathetic, on hindsight - the whole thing reeked of petulant whining and melodrama. When I think back on it, it was a shallow, thoughtless rant that came to no conclusions and sounded like a thirteen-year-old's desperate attempt to draw attention to the heinous drama in their life. In a way, it was a manipulative bitch of a rant, taking ordinary truth and phrasing it in ways that tried to hint tantalizingly at something serious and interesting. The equivalent, forgive me, of a young teenager posting statuses on Facebook about heartbreak and love when you know for a fact that they have never even experienced either. Not quite the same, but equally foolish.

I've thought up a theory that I should test. The next time I feel worked up about something and decide to rant about it on my blog or journal... When I finish the piece, I should always hit Save Draft first. If I still feel the same way a day later, I'll publish the post.

I am not always easygoing, or reasonable, or open-minded. But I try very hard to be.

-.

You'll need to click on it for the full size version.

*edit!*
60 notes on tumblr? That's like a personal high score for original content! :D And to think I nearly decided against uploading it...

-.

I don't know what the future will be like. That's fine, because no one does.

I don't know what I want my future to be like. That scares me more than anything else right now, even more than the upcoming exams.

When did I change? Was it gradual, or did it happen in one cataclysmic moment? I used to dream of doing what I loved for a living. I used to believe I had a little talent. I used to have potential. I used to picture myself working hard but enjoying myself because I loved my work. Why, then, do I suddenly stop functioning on autopilot - after a year and a half - and look back to realise that I might have made a big mistake?

I am so, so very terrified right now.

I love this guy:

A list of books I have yet to read (and the reasons why)

I used to be the type of reader who couldn't put a book down, at least not for breaks more than an hour long. It wasn't because I wad such a devoted, avid reader or something impressive like that. It was simply that I have a pretty bad attention span, so if I spent too long away from the story I felt detached and it would be such a bother to get immersed again. And that also explains why I get really grumpy if I'm approached during or immediately after a story. My reaction tends to be something along the lines of, "Go away, I'm not back on your planet just yet."

But in the last two years I've grown a rather large pile of half-read and unread books, much to my displeasure. And yet I haven't done much about it, if only because I keep finding other crap to do. Maybe college caused it. It is after all a lot more difficult to crack open a storybook in the middle of a lecture than to do so in a big, noisy school classroom. So let's take a quick stock-check of the abandoned books lying around me!

1. Sense and Sensibility - I'm only halfway through this, but I don't feel motivated to finish it because I don't like any of the characters.
2. Nation - A present from last year that I meant to read immediately... but somehow it's still in the gift wrapping.
3. The Splendour Falls - Progress came to a grinding halt when the characters also proved unlikeable. I'm such a snob.
4. The World is Flat - It's non-fiction. Of course I can't finish it quickly.
5. My Mother She Killed Me, My Father He Ate Me - Because it's an anthology, the stories are discontinuous and as such can be digested in little bits.
6. The Folklore of Discworld - This is another book that I am ashamed of abandoning. But again, the discontinuity made it happen...
7. Fallen - Rather annoying characters and concept. As though vampires and werewolves weren't supernatural and mysterious enough, this one turns out to be about an angel. An angel, for heaven's sake. (Yes, I totally did make that shameful pun.)

I have others, but... :/
Not too sure if naming the rest is a good idea.
Besides, I've mentioned all but four. You get the point.

I HAVE TO READ THOSE AS SOON AS THE EXAMS END OR THE SILVERFISH WILL GET TO THEM FIRST. (´Д` )

A short list of reasons why my nineteenth birthday was one of the best that I can remember:

We shall go about it in chronological order, yes?

1. Receiving one birthday text in particular that made me wonder what I ever did to deserve such love - and whether I'm so predictable that the sender could guess what the right thing to say was.

2. Balancing the first question on the accounts paper on the first try - something I'd NEVER done until now. (I'll ignore the epic failness of the rest of the paper though.)

3. A very short maths lesson.

4. Seeing pink in the library.

5. Going on a shopping spree... at the most awesome stationery shop this nation has ever seen.

6. Overtime over dessert, ridiculous photos and absurd conversation.

7. Mexican kilts and Nigerian waterfalls.

8. Coming home and finding out that Kame had been on Shonen Club, with a brilliant performance. Would it be too OOC for me to say I find the performance just a tad more special because it was aired on my birthday?

9. Checking my mail - and sure enough, the recording of Kame's Friday night radio show was up on YouTube!

10. Experimenting with the glitter powder bought from said stationer's... and getting rather pleasing results. See how it catches the light?

11. Finally placing my order for White!

On the whole, I think the ratio of ups to downs was very good. :) Thank you, to those of you who recognise yourselves in this!

elaborations will follow

...when I find the right words.

1582

The most hypnotic song on my current playlist.

/le great return

How strange it feels to be blogging here on Blogger after being enamoured with Tumblr for nearly two months now. Everything here on VerbalBrackets seems so old and abandoned somehow. But a small update is in order, partly because I feel I owe it to my firstborn blog and partly because I have absolutely no idea who visits me on Tumblr.

The people following me on Tumblr are 80% strangers, whom I know mostly through common biases and such. Here, however, is known mostly to people I actually know and so feels a little more... secure? While it's nice to be able to be a long-winded, rambling airhead on Blogger, with no fear of losing the mostly sane, cheerful impression Tumblr acquaintances have of myself, the freedom to be nothing but a diehard fangirl on Tumblr is refreshing in a way, that I don't have to restrain myself to the limits of normalcy within real-life circles of friends. If I shared my favourite music here, how many of my few visitors would even bother giving it a listen? How many on Tumblr would, on the other hand?

So I guess what I'm saying is, VisualBrackets makes me so happy because it allows me companions who love the same band and have similar interests and attitudes toward some things. Even if I don't know much about them, it's fine because the connection exists through common interests. VerbalBrackets, on the other hand, is in truth a blog of things I want the people around me to know. I want my "real-life" friends to understand why I love some of the things I do, to read and see why I do some of the things I do. And in some part, up until two months ago, I was hoping they would be game enough to step out of their usual areas of musical interest and try listening to stuff I like before judging it (and me). You know, sort of like how I try to never disapprove of music without giving it a shot?

I suppose that might have backfired, whether because not everyone has enough time to go around being open-minded or because they think they already know what my taste in music is like (giving them the full benefits of doubt, of course). In any case, it doesn't matter now that I've been shown the wonders of Tumblr - any readers who were ever only here to read can now relax and not worry about me shoving my playlist down your throat and forcing you to act interested. I'm sorry if this all sounds very bitter - I don't mean it, really. I don't feel bitter about it now that I have a different outlet. I'm just trying to say, in my usual roundabout manner, that I'm separating my interests from now on. It's more efficient this way, or at least I think it's a good idea.

Of course, since I am still a huge fangirl, you can't expect absolutely no mention of my favourite five guys when I ramble. They'll still feature a fair bit, but I'll stop the incoherent squealing and video spamming now, how's that? Also, since reblogging picture spams will surely take less time and effort than writing out lengthy rambles, there will be far less activity here on VerbalBrackets - but that's all right, because who needs a long, mostly-pointless ramble every week, anyway?

On a mixed note, though: It's May tomorrow. It's a good summer month, chock-full of cousins' birthdays (the release of 'WHITE' notwithstanding), but the upcoming exams cast such a pall on everything in life right now. But hey, it's May! :)

Sorry, trees, but I need paper books.

I've just finished reading a rather old book, Penny Jordan's Silver, online and I can't say the headache is worth the experience. Unless the experience teaches me how thoroughly ill-fitted e-books and I are; in that case, the headache is well worth the lesson.

I know e-books have been really popular and everything, but I guess I still can't adapt to it. My eyes are about to fall out of their sockets; they're pleading with me to just stab them the next time I attempt such a strenuous activity. Well, it would save them a lot of time, really, since reading a full-length novel on my computer is just a form of agonizingly slow torment that results in pretty much the same thing. I'd even be saved the headache!

I'm not about to wax on about how I'm a purist or classicalist or whatever who stands loyal to the beauty of traditional books. I ain't even much of a reader. You won't find me bitching about how the world is losing the feel of "real" books, but that's because I'm usually too busy chopping trees down for my selfish purposes. Like tissues. Heck yeah, tissues.