dear all

(see, I'm speaking directly to you!)

Please do not ever attempt to stay up, as I am, until four in the morning when you have, as I do, a major headache and a mysterious breathing difficulty. Especially the latter, since I've discovered it gets worse in the wee hours of the morning.

Also, you may be interested to know that I THOROUGHLY RESENT MY DAMNED ASSIGNMENT.

'ta! ♥

to whom it may concern

"Your blog is like... it's like you're talking to yourself."

-- said Sen-chan.

Oh, no. That won't do, will it? So now I'm talking to you. Yes, you. From now on, I will Tell You Things. I will do my best to Talk To You. I will stop all the private jokes and Share My Penny's Worth. I will Invite You To Give Your Opinion and Ask For Your Advice, should I ever need any.

Haha. See, I can do this. Right? :D

did you know?

I have never known true hate.

I dislike a lot, and quickly. I get angry a lot. I use the word 'hate' a lot. But I have never experienced hate enough to kill, hate enough to wish someone grievous harm or hate enough to be malicious on purpose. I do not know what it is like to experience such animosity, such seething revulsion, such hate towards anyone, regardless of how much I dislike so many people. I feel like the loser in every serious argument, regardless of who wins. When something pains me, my thoughts run more along the lines of suicide than of homicide. The only person I would ever intentionally, fatally injure is myself.

My heart, though rather disfigured on the exterior, is actually rather like a marshmallow on the inside.

fresh wounds

At the not-so-grand old age of nearly eighteen, I didn't think that I (of all people, geez) would be one to cry my eyes out over something that happened when I was fifteen - but hey, so I can surprise myself after all. I thought (or maybe hoped) I was over it. I thought I had reached a point where it no longer mattered, or at least where it was made up for many times over. I thought the only emotion left in me towards that period was a weary bitterness nearing the end of its course.

Well. I thought wrong.

It will never 'no longer matter'. It was not made up for, just prevented from reaching worst from worse. It can never be made up for - not that anyone would ever want to, but the point still stands. And... it is somehow just as painful as it was then.

My masochistic tendencies are proven. Why on earth would I otherwise dig out such painful memories and feelings that were buried so long ago for the main reason of protecting myself from an overload of unhappiness?

I want to be...

...that bloody lucky cat. :(

Photo is of the cover of my currently favourite DVD set.
Toboso Yana is the genius behind Kuroshitsuji.

smile

♥♥♥♥♥

I Wish...

One wish.

Just one wish, and you can't change your mind after you've made it - neither do you get any more wishes. And as a price, the great magician K will take whatever it is that is most precious to you.

It could be a priceless antique or a one-of-its-kind designer item.
It could be a grubby old photo of the best times you ever had.
It could be a place you always find yourself running to when lost.
It could be a talent or ability to do something you love.
It could be a cherished memory that is all that remains of the past.
It could be a loved one.

Now... make your wish.

Seven volumes seem too little :(

Yet another reason to love the letter K!

a sweet little girl told me...

"If people don't like other people, it's because they don't know them properly yet."

Naïve, yet so profound. Nothing earth-moving, I know, but something just hit home really hard when she said it.

I feel so guilty.

-.

I cannot stop smiling.