too late, me

I bit off more than I could chew.
Now I have to do what I can't, or I'll be in even more shit than I am now.
It serves me right; why did I ever let myself think, for even oNE moment, that I was capable?
Why did they encourage me?
I don't hAVE what it takes.
I'm not saying that in a fit of self-pity - I really can't do it.
I'm just a novice - no, I'm not even up to a novice's standards.
How does a beginner go about doing a job for (at least) amateurs?
Congrats, me. you've fooled yourself (and everyone else) into thinking that you have the ability.
But now you can't prove it, and all that you thought you were is being ripped down around your ears.
.
.
.
.
.
The only way I'll survive this is if I can prove to me that I can.
That I wasn't one big lump of deception.
*inhale*
I'll try.
There isn't much else I can do.
I'll try...and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to accept that I really deserve this.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But truly, I apologize for the obscenely emo post.
I'm almost regretting already.