It's... how do I put this? Rather like an awful, hollow feeling in your chest that makes you feel lonelier than you've ever been. This dark, disturbing shadow that hovers just on the edge of your conscious thoughts, that only the bright flares of various distractions can hold off. And it spreads, all over and around your little globe of awareness, so that everything from the outside is cut off and reaching out becomes harder and harder - until the time when you run out of distractions.
At this point you get desperate. You scrounge and search and scavenge, looking for distractions to avoid the pressing weight of your issues, but they get heavier with each passing minute and the available supply of new distractions has been depleted to near non-existence. What, then, do you do?
My head hurts. I don't want to think about anything anymore. I don't even know what the point of day-to-day survival is. I'm tired; physically, mentally and emotionally. I just want to sleep - for as long as it takes to calm my unstable psyche down. Preferably long enough for me to stop hating myself. Love Yourself is for people who have enough strengths to balance out the weaknesses, not for those who are constructed bone-by-bone out of faults and falsifications. It is impossible for me to love myself, the way I am right now.
Is this, then, what they call depression? PMS, perhaps. Whatever. I don't care any more.
2 comments:
lies, all lies. i know what you need - a lemon meringue pie. :D
yes, i'm all lies. i know x)
...pie? *perks up*
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