It is three in the morning...

...and I have an important paper in a few hours - no, wait, I have two.

If you startle a bear, don't run or it'll attack.
Back away slowly, without making eye contact - speaking softly to the fuzzy might help.
If it still makes to attack, make yourself look as big as possible. Puff out your chest, raise your arms and stand with your legs wide. You can now roar/yell at the bear.
If it does charge at you, forget trying to look tough; lie face-down on the ground with your hands on the back of your neck. Start praying silently that Teddy loses interest and leaves you alone.
If it does, get out of the area as quick as you can. If it doesn't, well, you tried.

So what the heck am I doing here?