(mirror to my tumblr post)
It’s three minutes to six and I just considered self-harming.
I don’t even know what brought that on. I’ve considered suicide in the past — nice and painless, if possible — but I’d stated quite flatly that I believed self-harm to be the one thing I’d never do. And yet I find that I just did, less than a minute ago. How odd, is the main sentiment that comes to mind. I don’t feel any strong emotion right now, so what brought that on? I’m quite sure I’m not depressed. I’ve been there before, and I’m not there now. How odd.
Up until the moment itself, I’d been engrossed in the usual mundane things I amuse myself with on the internet. I got up to go to the bathroom. I had scarcely closed the door behind me when the thought came to my mind. For something so dramatic, it sure happened at an incredibly undramatic location. If it had to have happened in the bathroom, I’d have imagined it at the very least to occur while I mournfully stared at myself in the mirror, or while I took a long, contemplative shower. Having such thoughts while standing right in the middle of the bathroom, not thinking about anything in particular and hands halfway undoing my belt, is somewhat perversely disappointing.
How odd.
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